If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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