people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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