the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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