you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
