just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
