You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
