It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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