can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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