Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
3pm strippers are depressing
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We have started to decorate penises.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
