So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
