So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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