either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize