So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
