If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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