Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
