o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
