I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize