Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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