I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
