I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
