What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
