New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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