That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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