I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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