i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
