Say something about gay babies.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
