Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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