Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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