I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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