i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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