Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Come see our sink grown plant.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
