i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize