omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
