At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
