I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
