sarcasm needs its own font
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
