I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
