I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
