awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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