I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
