eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
