Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize