at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
