thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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