who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
