he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
