he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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