i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I see more hoeing in ur future
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