Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
