i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
