dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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