im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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