Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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