Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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