Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
