Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
