On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize