Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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