I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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