She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
