I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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