Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
