I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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