You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
