I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think my nap took me to another dimension
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
