And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
