that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's always time for handjobs
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
