In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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